SAFETY ROAD MAP FOR INTERPERSONAL TRAVEL

       Let us begin by using a 21st Century (moshal) example of travel that “journeys” into the “highways” of our hearts and “byways” of our minds in order to enhance our relationships with others. Possibly one of the (Torah’s) Five Books of Moses intentions for recording for all posterity each of the “driving” and “parking” violations, in the course of our Nations journeys and encampments during the forty years in the (midbar) desert, was to serve as a “sign post” for future “motorists” pointing out “road hazards” in order to help them avoid potential “pitfalls” while “traveling” through life’s (galus) exile. This “driver’s education course” that teaches the “rules of the road” maximizes our safety, in addition to helping us maintain a clean “traffic record”. Passing life’s “driving tests”, especially in interpersonal relationships during these three weeks when the “road conditions” are less than optimal is a great opportunity remove some of the perceived “road blocks” and “pot holes” that can arise in relationships between people.

             It is human nature, especially in relationships with others, to become impatient and frustrated when things don’t “move along” according to our plans and timing. We live in a generation of maps, scales and watches where every inch, ounce and second is measured, therefore we sometimes find ourselves tested by the idiosyncrasies of others which seem to be at variance with our opinions or attitudes. When one is “behind the wheel”, the first rule when there is a potential problem is to put on the “brakes” – “slowing down” enough or “stopping” a moment to ask ourselves if we our “traveling” the best “route” of communication.

        Another cause of excessive “tire wear” is when a relationship with another feels like “riding” on a roller coaster. Since this person – whether friend, relative or stranger – was sent into our lives, it behooves us to ask ourselves whether these emotional “ups and downs” at this “intersection” of our “journey” might be preventable by building “bridges” between us that will smooth out” the “road conditions” and “distance” between us.

           If we appreciate the fact that a road that ascends a very steep hill must, of necessity, have various twists and turns in order to facilitate a safe, gentle journey, then we might also validate the opinions and emotions of others, which may at times differ from our own perspective.

            In order to make our journey safe and enjoyable, we would do well to follow the (derek eretz) etiquette manual that is located in the heart of every driver. Before “traveling” to meet or interact with other people, obtain a “traffic and weather” report of their attitudes and moods. Are any of their “lanes blocked” or is there a “storm” brewing around them?      

         Another invaluable tip is to learn how to “change lanes” in conversations that lead to “dead ends” and if necessary to find “alternative routes” of communication.

           Even in ones very own home, one is constantly being asked to “journey” and then “encamp” at new levels of relationships. How so? Each telephone call or door bell represents a potential “obstacle” placed in our “path” schedule. Interactions with family and friends constitute an ongoing “up hill ascent” that can sometimes make us as if  we can’t reach an agreeable “meeting ground”. If anyone “stalls” or “drives recklessly”, the ensuing “personality crash” may can cause a further “traffic jam” “slowing us down” from reaching the next “plateau” of mutual agreement.

                Let us look at some of the many components that will prove invaluable as a part of our (Chaverim) friendly – helpful “travel guide kit”. The first and foremost advice for “motorists” is to learn how to maneuver the steering wheel, so that in our conversations with others, we may “steer clear” of any “pot holes or barriers” that can might impede the smooth “flow” of “traffic” – ie. communication.  The “rear view mirror” serves as an excellent tool for observing past mistakes in order to avoid wrong turns” in the future. The “brakes” help us to “stop short” of saying or doing anything that “crashes into” another person’s feelings. It is valuable always to have our “booster cables” at hand in order to “boost the mood” of others who may be having a hard time of getting started.

         Also, an extra supply of  “fuel” – ie. an encouraging word – is reenergizing for those who have run out of “gas”. A tire jack can be an excellent tool to help “lift up the mood’ of someone whose life seems without much (ruach) air – ie. “flat”; while a flashlight is always valuable in offering a “ray of hope” at a “dark” moment.  Last but certainly not least, always have a “road map” – an inspiring Torah thought to help point out the best  direction in life.

            By faithfully following these (bain adom bi-chavero) between man and his fellow “rules of the road” we will thereby merit to reach our “destination” safely together at the (Har HaKodesh) holy Temple sight in Jerusalem soon in our days. 

     

All articles appearing on this blog are copyrighted by Rabbi Yehoshua Binyamin Falk. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share/download/copy this information as long as it is accompanied by the copyright. Separately authored/copyrighted materia

THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH; THE YEARNINGS OF MY HEART

              Our dreams, hopes and deeply felt needs are directed privately and quietly throughout the day to the Creator as we communicate with Him -sharing our joys and travails, our hopes and disappointments – often without uttering a word. Instinctively we believe that some of those thoughts and feelings are best left unspoken. Yet, we are taught that our formal tefillos-prayers should be said at least loudly enough to be audible to our own ears. This halachic guideline directs us to verbally express the outpourings of our heartfelt prayers and suggests that we should be attentive to what we say. What is achieved through our audible prayer?

          The author of the sefer Noam Magidim asks why the halacha requires us to utter our tefillos audibly, when the Ari zal informed us that it is sincere inner intention of the mind and the yearnings of the heart that actually empower prayer? If in fact vocalizations are required in order to awaken awe and fear of G-d (Hashem) in the heart of the supplicant then surely, at least, the tzaddik, who always is properly focused, should not be required to utter his prayers aloud. The Noam Magidim explains that audible tefillah is a Divine decree (chok) hinted at in Torah reading (Parshas Chukas -19-1) where we are taught the procedure of  sprinkling the waters of the Parah Adumah:  ”Hashem spoke to Moshe and to Aharon saying: This is the decree of the Torah, which Hashem has commanded, saying: Speak to the children of Israel, and they shall take…” That is to say even tzaddikim like Moshe and Aaron are commanded to speak – ie. – make their tefillos audible. The connection between tefillah and the halachas of the Parah Adumah possibly further suggests that even as the sprinkling of the waters of the Parah Adumah purifies the impure, so also does davening audibly “sprinkle”/anoint this world with the purifying holiness contained within our sincere words and expressions. We all appreciate how fresh flowers and spices have the power to fill their surroundings with their fragrant aroma and how revitalized and inspired we feel upon hearing joyous news or a sweet melody; even more so do our tefillos and brachos have the power to purify and enhance our surrounding as well as ourselves.

         In our efforts to understand the value of verbal prayer, it behooves us to look at another sphere of human endeavor that is credited with elevating the human spirit and that is music. Tefillah shares with music the quality that both were designed to bring joy and inspiration to the world through the means of sound. Of course music that remains in the mind of the composer is not accessible and can have no effect upon another, while prayer that remains unspoken can still have its intended benefits since the Hashem knows well what is within our hearts.  Nonetheless, a comparison between these two powerful forms of expression can be profitable.

Musicians who wish to bring to the listener’s ear those sound sequences that had previously been kept in the privacy of their minds and hearts must evoke the ideal sound that resides within their thoughts and feelings through the vibrations of key and string creating notes and cords.  It is only when the music is played aloud that the musicians can determine whether  the music they have intended and hoped to express was actually what emerged. They can then endeavor to refine the performance so that it comes as close as possible to the perfect synthesis of rhythm, melody and harmonic sound.

How much more so, when we audibly express our prayers, we gain an additional ability to assess and then enhance our efforts through now hearing our inner expression from a vantage point outside of ourselves. Our heartfelt, audible words of prayer and praise then resonant with the rest of creation adding its special uniqueness and value that each of us has been blessed with. May all our tefillos be accepted on High as a fragrant offering (rei’ach necho’ach) for Hashem.  

All articles appearing on this blog are copyrighted by Rabbi Yehoshua Binyamin Falk. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share/download/copy this information as long as it is accompanied by the copyright. Separately authored/copyrighted materia

PIRKEI AVOS INVESTMENT MANUAL FOR INCREASING SAVINGS

           As the story was told to me, one of the richest men in the entire world wrote in his will a request to be buried wearing his socks. The family wanted to fill the wishes of their father but the burial society said that it is impermissible to fulfill this request. To settle the issue both parties went to the Rav of the city who after hearing both sides declared that … .

             Don’t go away, as we will come back to the Rav’s decision later, along with an inspiring twist in this unusual story.    

             Most people live their lives focused on two major financial goals, that of satisfying ones daily needs and securing a comfortable future “retirement”. In Pirkei Avos, which we read this time period between Pesach and Rosh Hashanah, our Sages offer us weekly advice on how to obtain both.

                The holy Torah sub-divides all potential investments of into two major sectors/categories. The first being a composite of two hundred forty eight – top rated – investments that are to be pursued with all ones abilities referred to as the  mitzvos aseh fund and the second consists of three hundred sixty five – lo-saaseh which are to be avoided at all costs.

             As most of us our novice investors we should take advice from the most qualified investment experts in the field. Thus let us turn to our Sages, who opening share with us the best possible strategies for maximizing our assets as well as minimizing our loses.

                  The first of many beautiful metaphors that alerts us the value of daily adding to our “savings” account is in Gemora Shabbos 127a: “These are the precepts whose fruits a person enjoys in this world but whose principal remains intact for him in the World to Come. They are (the investment sectors of): honoring your father and mother, acts of kindness, early attendance at the house of study morning and evening, hospitality to guests, visiting the sick, providing for a bride, escorting the dead, intention in prayer, bringing peace between man and his fellow, and between man and his wife – and the study of Torah is equivalent to them all.”

              In Mishnah 20 – Perek 3 Rabbi Tarfon gives us additional far-sighted advice informing us: “The day is short, the task is abundant, the laborers are lazy, the wage is great and the Master of the house is insistent.” He also used to say (2/20-21): “You are not required to complete the task, yet you are not free to withdraw from it. If you have studied much Torah, they will give you great reward; and your Employee can be relied upon to pay you the wage for your labor, but be aware that the reward of the righteous will be given in the World to Come.”

               Rabbi Yonasan reveals to us the secret to true wealth in Mishnah 11 – Perek 4: “Whoever fulfills the Torah despite poverty, will ultimately fulfill it in wealth; but whoever to neglects the Torah because of wealth, will ultimately neglect it in poverty.”

              Rabbi Yaakov then alerts to us the importance of using our time wisely in Mishnah 21 – Perek 4 when he said: “This world is like a lobby before the World to Come; prepare yourself in the lobby so that you may enter the banquet hall.”

                   Ben Bag Bag elaborates further on the value of plummeting the depths of ones abilities in Mishnah 26 – Perek 5 when he said: “Delve in it (the Torah) and continue to delve in it; look deeply into it; grow old and gray over it, do not stir from it, for you can have no better portion that it.” Ben Hei Hei adds that reward and effort have a symbiotic relationship in that: “The reward is in proportion to the exertion.”

             Mishnah 5 – Perek 6: Offers us some sage advice on what to avoid, thereby maximizing our benefits: “Do not seek greatness for yourself, and do not crave honor; lest your performance exceed your learning. Do not the lust for the table of Kings, for your table is greater than theirs, and your crown is greater than their crown; and your Employer is trustworthy to pay you remuneration for your deeds.”

               Then in Mishnah 9 – Perek 6 – Rabbi Yose ben Kisma shares with us invaluable investing strategy when he tells us of a story of a man who offered him vast wealth for coming and living in his city, to which he answered: “Even if you were to give me all the silver and gold, precious stones and pearls in the world, I would dwell nowhere but in a place of Torah…”

              Rabbi Akiva then eloquently sums up our financial responsibilities within this life stating in Mishnah 20 – Perek 3: “Everything is given on collateral and a net is spread over all the living. The shop is open; the Merchant extends credit; the ledger is open; the hand writes; and whoever wishes to borrow, let him come and borrow. The collectors make their routes constantly, every day, and collect payment from the person whether he realizes it or not. They have proof to rely upon; the judgment is a truthful judgment; and everything is prepared for the final festive banquet.”

                    Oh yes, as for the conclusion of the story at the beginning of this article – the Rav told all those present that the burial society was correct and then the Rav then added that the nifter had some time earlier left a sealed envelope which he requested be opened by his family only after his passing. The children immediately opened the letter and read it out loud. “My dearly beloved, by now you have heard the pasak halacha which reaffirms that even if a person were to have all the money in this world, he cannot bring with him even one pair of socks to the Olam HaEmes.  

                This is just as Rabbi Yose ben Kisma informs us in Mishnah 9 Perek 6: “When a man departs from this world, neither silver, nor gold, nor precious stones nor pearls escort him, but only Torah study and good deeds…” Then he concludes: “It (The Torah and good deeds) shall speak on your behalf – in the World to Come. And as it is said: ‘Mine is the silver, and Mine is the gold, says Hashem, Master of Legions.’”                

            May we merit to have our Heavenly bank accounts filled with the rich returns from the Torah, mitzvos and maasim tovim in which we invested in this world

All articles appearing on this blog are copyrighted by Rabbi Yehoshua Binyamin Falk. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share/download/copy this information as long as it is accompanied by the copyright. Separately authored/copyrighted materia

Of Giants Men and Grasshoppers

                     “There we saw the Nephilim, the sons of the giant

                                     from among the Nephilim; and it came to pass that in our eyes
      [we were] like grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes.”  Bamidbar, 13:33
 
                                                                                                         

              

             The military reconnaissance of the Land presaged a battle that  appeared hopeless as it would pit  the weak and small  against the strong and mighty. The spies – meraglim – in  answering the questions posed to them upon their return, seemingly did no more than state the obvious danger;  yet we know that they committed a grave sin in so doing.  What can we learn from this tragic event in order to avoid the errors of the meraglim?
The first step is to understand the nature of their failing. The commentators acknowledge that the meraglim recognized  Hashem’s power but suggest that the spies thought that Hashem was going to limit Himself and act in accordance with nature and therefore B’nei Yisrael would be unable to triumph.
 Yehoshuah and Caleb, men of complete faith, demonstrated what it takes to remain men – anashim – even in the face of  vastly stronger and more powerful enemies. Yehoshua faced the distraught assembly that was weeping and entreating Moshe to return to Egypt and told them a simple but profound truth.  He did not deny the obvious size and strength of the giants, but exhorted that “If  Hashem is pleased with us then will He bring us into this land  and will give it to us . . . and you , you should not fear the people of the land for they are our bread; their protective shadow is departed from them as G-d is with us . . . “ (Bamidbar 14: 8-9).
           It all depends on the lens through which we view the test. The meraglim saw the inhabitants of the land as being too daunting and the land as being unconquerable, because they used their own personal discernment, Yehoshua and Calav viewed the inhabitants of the land through the lens of daas Torah and thus perceived them as presenting no meaningful obstacle.  
Unless a Jew sees himself as a representative of G-d who is All Powerful, he will see himself  not as a person facing his adversary, but rather as a “grasshopper” facing a “giant”. The way in which we perceive our relationship to  Hashem is the deciding factor in how we view ourselves.
 Referring to the spies’ encounter with the giants, the  Torah says “vanehi b’eineinu k’chagavim” and   “and in our  eyes [too] we were like grasshoppers.”  “Nehi” connotes weeping or crying and suggests a diminished, disheartened and despairing emotional state.  Although the  meraglim were initially described as ‘anashim’  righteous men — heads of the tribes of  Israel,  their lack of faith now surfaced transforming them from human beings into a more demeaning form of life.  
As is all too apparent from our experiences during this long difficult galus, if our belief in Hashem weakens, our Jewish self esteem is diminished undermining our ability to see and appreciate our unique mission in this world.
            The Kotzke Rebbe explains: The spies had no right to consider how the giants viewed them. As Jews and emissaries for the Jewish people, they should have thought only of their mission, not of what anyone else thought of them.   How many times do we become discouraged because of what we feel or perceive that other people think?
When, in that diminished psychological state, if we should be confronted by a difficult challenge, it takes on the hugeness of a giant in our eyes and as such has the power to discourage us from achieving our true potential and fulfilling our destiny. How can we overcome this challenge?
First we should realize that there is no barrier so  large or overwhelming that we cannot hurdle it,  if it is Hashem’s will  that we do so. The Maraglim saw themselves as grasshoppers. Why grasshoppers? Perhaps to teach us that every challenge gives us the opportunity to choose our direction and destiny in life. When threatened, the grasshopper can  jump away, as did the meraglim who counseled the nation to jump far away from their  “giant” challenges.  The grasshopper however has another option. It can leap over the barrier that lies before it.  When we take up a challenge for Hashem’s honor,  He will empower us to easily hurdle the barriers in our path.
The Torah is teaching a profound lesson in attitude and choice. Does challenge bring with it retreat and despair or does it elicit feelings of courage and optimism? It all depends on our connection to Hashem and His will.

All articles appearing on this blog are copyrighted by Rabbi Yehoshua Binyamin Falk. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share/download/copy this information as long as it is accompanied by the copyright. Separately authored/copyrighted materia